Home
:-) Fun P4
Bigger than just a joke
God
grew tired of ruling the world. He selected a jury and announced a competition
for a World Dictator. Caligula, Genghis Khan, Hitler, Bush and Charlie Chaplin
decided to give it a try. The requirements were very simple - God asked them to
write a speech outlining their solutions to the world’s biggest problems.
Caligula didn’t waste any time writing – he raped the entire jury and
swiftly organized a treason trial for all opponents. As you all know he won his
term unopposed…
Concerned about AIDS and possible legal complications Genghis Khan
was more conservative and opted for slaughter. This simple but classic solution
proved very successful too, although it took some time to find another
jury.
Hitler was too busy and let his Gestapo to take care of the
formalities. Later it was revealed that all jury members were Jews. You know
what happened next…
In
the end there were only the 2 Americans left.
Bush had to wait until a new jury was carefully selected by his
father and all votes were re-counted as many times as required. In the meantime
he spread his message of peace through the countless American Military Bases, US
Navy ships and Air Force bombers located all over the world. He didn’t forget
God too, and organized a missile defence shield to protect the heavens from
rogue sub-dictators and Qasam rockets. Unlike Hitler’s concentration camps he
organized holiday camps for all opponents (please contact CIA for packages and
destinations).
He
didn’t fear his opponent’s fame and promptly accused him of being Chinese,
Soviet/Russian, Vietnamese, Zionist, French, Cuban and Communist agent. It
worked! After considering all the facts provided by the Homeland Security, NSA,
FBI, CIA and dozen other spy agencies the jury disqualified Charlie Chaplin for
“being just a clown” and complete lack of
brutality.
Oddly enough, Charlie was the only literate competitor who knew how
to write a speech. He was pleased to share it with us, hoping that one day
mankind can make a better choice.
Although known under many other names we named it “Our
only hope” (we hope that Mr. Schulz would excuse us for borrowing
his words):
I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor -
that's not my business - I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like
to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to
help one another, human beings are like
that.
We all want to live by each other's
happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one
another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can
provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and
beautiful.
But we have lost the
way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls - has
barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and
bloodshed.
We have developed speed but we have shut
ourselves in: machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge
has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel
too little: More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need
kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all
will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us
closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness
in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my
voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men,
women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and
imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not
despair".
The misery that is now upon us is but the
passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the
hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people,
will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never
perish...
Soldiers - don't give yourselves to brutes,
men who despise you and enslave you - who regiment your lives, tell you what to
do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as
cattle, as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men,
machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You
are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You
don't hate - only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers
- don't fight for slavery, fight for
liberty.
In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it
is written "the
You the people have the power, the power to
create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to
make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in
the name of democracy let's use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for
a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give
you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes
have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfill their promise, they never
will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to
fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national
barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a
world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's
happiness.
Soldiers - in the name of democracy, let us
all unite!
Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting -
the sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light.
We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their
hate and brutality.
The soul of man has been given wings - and at
last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow - into the light of
hope - into the future, that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to
all of us. Look up. Look up."
Yes, you guessed it right! This is the barber’s speech from "The
Great Dictator".
This 70 year old comedy seems to have much more wisdom than most of
our contemporary world leaders. Sadly we couldn’t invite Chaplin to join our
party, but we’ll welcome all of his fans.
George W. Bush quotes
"I'm the commander … see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." - as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War
"I
trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." - to a group
of Amish he met with privately,
"F*ck
Saddam. We're taking him out." – talking to 3 US senators in March 2002, one
year before the
"I will
not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me." -
talking to key Republicans about
"I
would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass
in my lake." - on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper
Bild am Sonntag,
“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal
shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and
over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the
propaganda." -
The
most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one
priority and we will not rest until we find him." -
"I
don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not
that important. It's not our priority." -
"Can we win? I don't think you can win it." - after being asked
whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview,
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect